Chose Humility

In the January 2008 Ensign, Sister Irene Eubanks wrote a talk titled, “Putting My Marriage before My Pride.” At the beginning of this article she shares a personal story that I would like to share with you. 

Like any couple, my husband and I have had disagreements during our marriage. But one incident stands out in my mind. I no longer recall the reason for our disagreement, but we ended up not speaking at all, and I remember feeling that it was all my husband’s fault. I felt I had done absolutely nothing for which I needed to apologize.

As the day went by, I waited for my husband to say he was sorry. Surely he could see how wrong he was. It must be obvious how much he had hurt my feelings. I felt I had to stand up for myself; it was the principle that mattered.

As the day was drawing to a close, I started to realize that I was waiting in vain, so I went to the Lord in prayer. I prayed that my husband would realize what he had done and how it was hurting our marriage. I prayed that he would be inspired to apologize so we could end our disagreement.

As I was praying, I felt a strong impression that I should go to my husband and apologize. I was a bit shocked by this impression and immediately pointed out in my prayer that I had done nothing wrong and therefore should not have to say I was sorry. A thought came strongly to my mind: “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?”

As I read Sister Eubanks story I couldn’t help but think of myself.  How many times do each of us think that we are blameless in our relationships? How many times have we thought that the Lord would side with us?  When this happens we are experiencing pride. President Benson gave a talk entitled “Beware of Pride” and he says this, “The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means ‘hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.’ It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.” 

As I read this strong feature of pride I was taken back. I did not realize that my pride was like hatred or hostility. President Benson furthers his thoughts on pride and enmity, “Some prideful people are not so concerned as to whether their wages meet their needs as they are that their wages are more than someone else’s. Their reward is being a cut above the rest. This is the enmity of pride.”

I realized as I read these words that often it is my desire to be right or as President Benson suggests, “a cut above the rest,” that holds me back from mending the relationship. President Benson also says that selfishness and contention are faces of pride.  When we are proud it becomes harder for unity, counsel, correction, and teaching. 

Think of a time when you were having a disagreement with your spouse, or anyone. Could it be mended without unity, counsel, correction, or teaching? I think not. How do things get resolved? It is when one of us fixes the poison of pride. It is through humility that we can have peace and happiness in our marriage. Elder Richard G. Scott said, “We must cultivate true humility, not the ability to appear humble, but the sacred gift of true humility. Humility is the precious, fertile soil of righteous character. It germinates the seeds of personal growth.

Think of how much you will grow if every time you are faced with the temptation to be prideful you instead chose to be humble.  It is not a weakness to forgive, or admit we have done wrong, it is strength. 

In this short video we see how pride diminishes a relationships and results in burdens that could have been avoided if humility would have taken place.