Couple Council

During the course of his blog I have focused a good portion on problem solving and prevention. Today I would like to talk about another prevention tool — counseling together. 

In Elder Ballard’s conference talk in April of 2016 he spoke of family councils and set apart executive councils as on type. An executive council involves two parents.  Elder Ballard states: 

The executive family council is also a good time for wives and husbands to talk about their personal relationships with each other. When Elder Harold B. Lee performed our sealing, he taught us a principle that I believe all couples will find helpful. He said, ‘Never retire without kneeling together, holding hands, and saying your prayers. Such prayers invite Heavenly Father to counsel us by the power of the Spirit.’

Elder Ballard also says this is a good time to talk about the needs of the family in all domains and of all individuals. When we set time to communicate what is going on in our homes and relationships we can prevent future disagreements, arguments, and contention. We are taking the time to talk when both people are calm and ready, not when they are hurt, vulnerable, or upset. 

There are councils throughout the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints that happen on a regular basis. These meeting are a time to share and learn what is going on. Addressing concerns and problems between you and your spouse, or even challenges with children, help open communication and respect for each other’s thoughts ad opinions. The way these councils are set up and carried out by the brethren in the quorum of the twelve give them each an opportunity to prepare and share before any final decisions are made. We can pattern our couple council after theirs and have similar results of love, compassion, understanding, and resolve. Listed below is the set up for their council. 

1. Regular time and place to meet (temple each Thursday morning)
2. A meeting agenda distributed in advance of the meeting
3. Beginning with expressions of love and concern for each member, individually
4. Opening with prayer, inviting the Spirit to assist with the process
5. A member invited to initiate discussion of the item by defining the problem and current status of decisions, etc.
6. Opening for orderly discussion (one at a time, "additive" rather than corrective comments from each member in turn, etc.)
7. On-going, focused discussion until consensus is reached, under the clear influence of the Spirit (as opposed to compromise)
8. Moving forward with unity in accordance with the decision reached
9. Often a snack or other unifying tradition (The brethren often enjoy chocolates and pie when they meet in the temple!)
10. Follow-up discussions of results and progress toward determined outcome

In a separate time Elder Ballard talked of councils and explained, “Most of what men and women must do to qualify for an exalted family life together is based on shared responsibilities and objectives.” We learn from this that together we must make decisions to be an exalted family. He goes on to say, “Both men and women are to serve their families and others, but the specific ways in which they do so are sometimes different.” Not only do we need to make decisions together, but we must realize that those decisions occasionally will be based on two separate, but equal, viewpoints. If we council before our problems arise, and do as Elder Harold B. Lee advised, pray together, we can work together and use the strengths of each other to help create a council with a positive outcome. 

One of the things that stood out to me form the above list is part of #8, moving forward with unity. 

When we unify our efforts while we council with one another we are doing as President Eyring says, “We are all just looking for the truth, we’re not trying to win.” Revelation can come to us through prayer and unity.  

This is one of my favorite video that describes the way the brethren council together.